This morning I attended “Sports Day” at my daughter’s preschool and brought Charlie along for the ride. While sitting at the playground afterwards, a lovely mom from the preschool came up to me. She complimented me on how “put together” the kids and I always are and how I  always have a big smile and radiate peace.

Her intentions were the sweetest and I appreciate her view of things but I had to laugh (as did my husband when I told him). How deceiving appearances can be (though I never thought I could possibly appear this way to anyone.). Would those other moms who I envy for how “with it” they appear be just as bemused as I was at this kind of interpretation?

Perhaps I smile so widely when dropping Sofia off because I can’t wait for a break from my challenging “threenager” and perhaps the same smile emerges when seeing her after a well needed breather because I do really love her. Perhaps I look put together because my hubby ends up late for work on preschool days in order to help his frazzled wife get the kid’s ready and allow her a moment to throw on some lipstick (he irons my clothes too!). And radiating peace, well that’s got to be Jesus in me because on my own I am anything but peaceful by nature.

The truth of the matter is that I’ve spent the last week and a half grieving my (Steve’s) grandfather’s passing along with the rest of his family. That I am emotionally exhausted from both experiencing my own grief and being surrounded by others grief. The truth is that minus a week or two of sweet, productive, DIY bliss, I spent the month and a half before grandpa’s passing gradually spiraling downwards into a pit of destructive self loathing, depression, and eventually stupor due to an attempt to adjust my medications.

The truth is that my house is a total mess, my husband is the one who keeps the kid’s bathed, and I often feel that I won’t be able to make it to bedtime if I have to answer the question “why” one more time.

This is the truth of my life. Is it the same for those I view as “super moms”?



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