I wasn’t completely honest in my post yesterday. I do in fact know one of the reasons I am feeling low right now. My heart is heavy because I am not pregnant with a baby that I was actively trying not to have. Say what? Maybe it is hormones or maybe it is the pure sweetness Anna brings into my life (along with her siblings requests for another, smaller baby), but I am going through a bit of a “I want another baby, what’s a fourth, why not” kind of delirium right now.

I experienced something like this when Sofia was around six months old but held off getting kinda accidentally pregnant with Charlie until she was 13 months. I had no such whimsies after Charlie. He was the worst. Seriously. The. Worst. I love the little man he became but he basically cried for the first year of his life. He had, so I thought, cured me of ever wanting another baby. And, as you have heard, after the initial shock and dismay of finding out I was really, completely, not at all on purpose pregnant with Anna, I fell in love with her. What I may not have told you is that I have basically had baby fever since Anna was born. Ahem, I’m sure it had nothing to do with watching “Call the Midwife” when she was an infant.

How do people make these decisions? I know that many people struggle to get pregnant so this “how many babies should I have” question is replaced with the  heart wrenching question, “why can’t I please just have one?”. But for me, my husband seems to spontaneously impregnate me with a mere look so the questions is, when should we stop?

My husband is very good at dialoging with me about this question. Poor man has had a lot of practice in the past year.

H: Maybe we don’t have enough money to have a fourth?

S: Deciding to have a a baby shouldn’t have to do with finances.

H: Maybe we don’t have enough space in our small three bedroom for a fourth?

S: People have been fitting larger families into smaller spaces for thousands of years.

H: I think that some of our family would disapprove of the decision to have a fourth.

S: It’s not any of their business.

H: Maybe I would go insane?

S: That is a valid point.

H: But maybe we should get pregnant right now okay?

S: Maybe not just yet Heather.

So where are we at? Well, what Steve said, “maybe not just yet”. Or what I seem to be looking for with hopeful eyes on a monthly basis, another wonderful accident.

4 thoughts on “Oh Baby.

  1. I’ve been dealing with baby fever for a little while now too! I know where you’re coming from. I grew up one of 5 girls and always wanted a larger family. I have two awesome kids but every now and then I think to myself, “A third would really complete this picture.” Dear husband’s not up for it though so that’s the final decision unless an accident happens lol.

    good luck!

    1. I wonder if that feeling ever really goes away? I guess sometimes you just have to decide your done, or take your partner’s lead. A good time to take advantage of cuddling other people’s babies and enjoy the full nights of sleep. My psychiatrist once said to me “there is never a bad time time to have a baby” but I guess sometimes there is a good time to stop 🙂

  2. Just happened stop by today (you’ll get an e-mail from me hopefully soon too), but I loved what you wrote because we’ve also had “4th” questions, but not nearly as entertaining as yours. I’m so glad that you and Steve found each other. I know we’re not around for the day-t0-day, but I love (what I can see) that you bring to each other’s lives, and what you’re co-creating in raising your beautiful family.

    1. Oh you’re the best Karen. I look forward to seeing what decision you guys make for your beautiful family. Summer time is here so it’s time for that bi-annual get together!

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